How you can make emotional intelligence work in leadership

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)might sound like something that belongs in a book on the New York Times bestseller list rather than in the boardroom, but that is just not so. If you happen to be human, with the full gamut of emotions at your disposal and operate with empathy, then it applies to you too.

Leveraging an innate disposition to favor how we work is simply logical when you consider how important it is to gain the advantage in the business world.

EQ for IT leaders how does that work then? In short it can help them keep their heads in difficult situations, and we know IT is full of those. It can also be a great litmus test for what makes a good hire too. The benefits are obvious and nurturing EQ seems to most like polishing the diamond you were already carrying in your back pocket. Once you cultivate this what can you expect?

Fly off the handle no more

Emotional responses are hormonally driven, nobody can change that and nor should they. The fight or flight response was and is key to our physical survival and now it is a metaphor for our verbal interactions too. For example you find yourself in a discussion regarding a chosen path that was decided on by consensus.

The goal posts have moved and a month’s worth of resource has been utlized for the project to be sidelined by a different and incorrect path. The initial reaction might be to scream or emote in a less controlled way. You may need to contain the reactions of your team to boot. That is a large collective of negative emotions.

Do you blow off steam cause irrevocable changes to your reputation or do you use your EQ to deal with the stress and be a positive role model to your team and peers?

In a leadership role it is your job to anticipate, deflect and control your own emotions while empathizing with those of people around you. Breathe and disconnect from the

internal dialogue. Stay on safe ground during conversations by being constructive and adapt your communication style into a non aggressive one which demonstrates and encourages openness. It will help diffuse any threat and disable the fight or flight response.

Don’t be precious about your work

Quite often people become emotionally attached to their work. This is natural considering the time investment that goes into it. When it is criticized it can be deemed as a personal slight on you, your abilities or that of your team. We have all been subject to the damning inditement of a project that missed a deadline or suffered a failure somewhere along the line and accountabilty went to ground. The result being the blame game being played with wild abandon. So this has come to pass once more and you are faced with a testy COO wanting answers.

What do you do? Allow the red mist to descend and scramble for slights of your own and cast the blame elsewhere?

In a leadership role it is your job to see things properly without ambiguity. You will understand immediately that it is not correct to shoot the messenger. Your work is not being criticized, unless it actually is. But the chances are your COO or CEO is more concerned with troubleshooting than listening to excuses. It is about crisis management and maintaining critical operations, post mortems are called ‘post’ for a reason. Focus on the work itself and if separating yourself from it is a problem then you may need to assess your relationship with it.

Be prepared for anything

Emotional buttons can be pushed at any time and the nature of EQ is to understand this basic fact. Imagine how different experiences based on an instantaneous response would be if there was advanced warning? This is rarely the case and we are not conditioned to expect triggers but to deal with them when they occur. Similarly when a technological crisis occurs it can come in any guise. Let’s say a security breach occurs but does so after you had just overhauled your security systems, reinstalled patches and really cleaned house. Data is compromised and reputational damage is done.

Do you lash out? Throw something or slam the door as you exit the room?

In a leadership role it is your job to set an example to everyone around you because in a crisis they are looking to you to sort out the issue and be a beacon of calm. They are already in panic mode themselves it is your function as leader to remove their anxieties.

Instead of reacting viscerally, react mentally deflect from the emotion by asking questions. Questions such as “fill me in on what happened” infer affirmative action and will break the anger-frustration cycle immediately, they also snap the people around you out of their panic and into action, this has a knockdown effect where emotions do not cloud judgment and enable fixes to occur. The oldest and most logical tip is to breathe deeply and count to ten. Breathing counting and deflecting with questions will allow you to normalize heart rate and thinking.

Become Yoda

An EQ master is one who has ascended past breathing and counting and is truly empathic. He or she is the type of person who makes empathy a practice and they do so by making it part of daily life. They take time to listen to the people around them and asking them questions about how they are. With listening comes understanding, by doing so they can spot the signs when things are not going well and if there is an issue brewing that will impact the morale and productivity of the team. EQ allows leaders to stealth gather data for later use that is of benefit to the individual and the team. There is however a fine balance to attain because too much empathy can cloud judgment and impede actions just as too little can.

What do you do to get there?

As a leader it is your job to be available to counsel guide and mentor your team. They must feel safe within the bounds of this arena where they can be free to speak about what might concern them on a personal or professional level. In many ways EQ requires you to be human with a hint of superhuman!